Many folks wonder what retirement is “really” like. In my final years of work, I wondered about it a lot.
On June 8, 2018, I stopped wondering.
On that date, I crossed “The Starting Line” and entered an exciting new phase of life.
I’ve spent the past four years in retirement, and they’ve been the best years of my life. To capture my lessons from retirement (and, to help those who wonder what it’s really like), I’ve been writing a series of posts on various milestones in my retirement. Since my 4th anniversary of retirement is less than a week away, it seems a good time to add my thoughts on the longer-term lessons from retirement to the Retirement Reality Series.
The Retirement Reality Series:
- What The First Week Of Retirement Is Really Like
- The First 60 Days Of Retirement
- 6 Lessons From The First 6 Months Of Retirement
- The Biggest Lesson From My First Year Of Retirement
- Life After FIRE (18 months)
- What I’ve Learned From Two Years Of Retirement
- 4 Lessons From 4 Years of Retirement (today’s post)
- Six Lessons From Six Years of Retirement
The “retirement mystery” has been solved in my life. It’s no longer a curiosity. It’s my reality.
Looking back over the past 4 years, what have been the biggest lessons from retirement? That’s a big question, and today I’ll answer it. With the longer timeframe, my answers are different than they were earlier in retirement. Interesting, that, and an example of how retirement evolves through various phases.
What are the biggest lessons I've learned during my four years of retirement? Today, I answer that question. Share on X
My Biggest Lessons From Retirement
I’m glad that I’ve been capturing my thoughts as my retirement has evolved in the Retirement Reality Series. It’s been interesting to see how my perspective has changed as time has passed. As I wrote in my very first post, this blog “is the story of my journey, told in The Present before it becomes The Past.” Now that the early days of my retirement have become The Past, I’m thankful that I captured them while they were still in The Present.
My thoughts are different now. Time has a way of doing that. In my earliest days of retirement, the focus was on Freedom. The following quote from my first week captures this sentiment well:
Freedom to do whatever we want to do, whenever we want to do it. For the first time in our lives. Wow, that’s big. And THAT, in my mind, is what the first week of retirement is really like.
Looking back, that sense of newfound Freedom was certainly the highlight of early retirement. After decades of grinding it out at work, the handcuffs had been unlocked. It was an amazing feeling, but I don’t think that’s one of the biggest lessons from retirement. It is, rather, simply a reality of life without work.
As I finished my first year of retirement, I realized life goes on after you retire. By the two-year mark, I realized retirement is fluid, and you need to learn how to roll with it. The following quote from year two captures that mindset:
Retirement changes as the days go by, and it’s best to embrace the fluidity. Go with the flow, listen to your mind, and follow your instincts.
In my fourth year of retirement, the bigger question is what new insights have I gained now that my retirement has stabilized? What lessons from retirement am I applying in the quest to live the best life possible? What can others apply in their journey, with the goal being Helping People Achieve A Great Retirement (my byline)?
Whereas Freedom is a physical reality, and fluidity is the flow of life, my thoughts wander to more philosophical answers as I ponder my biggest lessons from retirement. And, thinking over the past 4 years, I realize that “my thoughts” is the right place to start:
1. Retirement (Like Life) Is What You Make It
I remember two relocations in particular from the ten relocations we endured during my working years. In one of the early ones, my wife and I weren’t too happy about the move. We weren’t excited about where we were going, and we weren’t looking forward to it. Predicably enough, we didn’t enjoy our 2 years in the location in question. We were looking for the experience to be a negative one, and it was.
Compare that to the next relocation, when we felt excited about where we were going. We were looking for the experience to be a positive one, and it was. We loved our time in that new city and learned an important lesson. From that point on, every time we got relocated we decided to be positive about the move. We couldn’t stop the change from happening, so we decided to look for the “good” and be intentional in avoiding thoughts of the “bad.”
From that point on, we enjoyed every place we lived.
Fortunately, we applied that same mindset to retirement. We intentionally decided in advance that we were going to enjoy this new phase in our lives. Did we have anxiety? Of course, but we chose to focus on the positives. Just like a mandated relocation, we couldn’t stop the change, so we chose to embrace it. Anxieties were a “bad,” so we limited our mental time to the practical realities of what we could do to offset the risks (e.g., exercise more, keep some cash, etc.). We spent the majority of the time getting excited about the positives, about what our lives would become in retirement. I have no doubt that choosing to focus on the positives is one of the primary reasons our retirement has been successful. The same lesson applies to life.
Focus on the positives.
You’ll find what you’re looking for.
2. Your Life Has A Purpose. Your Job Is To Find It.
I hate to break it to you, but work doesn’t stop when you retire. Quite the contrary.
While the first 1-2 years of retirement can be fulfilling by simply relaxing and enjoying a well-earned break, the reality is that it gets old after a while. Based on my experience and others I’ve talked to, you’ll know the feeling when that time comes. As Stop Ironing Shirts wrote in this post, it happened to him 6-18 months after retirement. You’ll find yourself feeling a bit “adrift,” knowing there’s something more you’re meant to accomplish.
I believe that’s by design.
Each of us is meant to make a difference in our own way (perhaps, even, to make people cry). We have an intrinsic need to be doing something that matters with our time. Only you can determine what that is, and I’ll warn you that it takes a lot of work. Regardless, I strongly encourage you to listen when you start hearing that quiet voice.
Dedicating your time to discovering your Purpose is the best use of your time in retirement. If you’re lucky, you’ll find something. If you’re really lucky, you’ll find several somethings. Don’t be surprised if the “something” you find only lasts a few years. I’ve discovered that in my own retirement, and it’s one of the reasons I’m writing less. Enjoy the flexibility of moving between things that bring you a sense of purpose, and never stop seeking out new opportunities. Your Purpose will evolve, but it gets easier to find as you spend more time seeking it.
There are few things more rewarding in life than doing what you’re meant to do. It won’t be easy, and it doesn’t come naturally. Heck, I wrote a whole book about how to do it. In short:
Pursue it, and exercise that long-dormant muscle of creative seeking. You haven’t been free to explore since you were a child, so grasp it with both hands and never let it go.
Your job, should you choose to accept it, is to find that special something to do with your time in retirement.
Something that matters.
3. Focus On Others Over Self
By definition, our working years were primarily dedicated to self. Each of us was focused on achieving results in our chosen careers, getting those assignments done, getting rewarded, and earning that raise. With our time being consumed by the need to earn a living, most of us didn’t have the luxury of focusing on the needs of others.
That all changes with retirement.
While we’ve earned our Freedom, there are countless others out there who are still held in bondage. Barely scraping by, dealing with a health issue, challenged with emotional problems, struggling with aging parents, worried about the next meal, feeling alone and helpless. Those people are all around you, and it hasn’t been your practice to take notice.
Start paying attention.
I’ve found the best path to a great retirement is to practice the art of focusing on others more than you do on yourself. If you start paying attention, you’ll quickly see the needs all around you. Use that as a starting point, and spend some time thinking about how you can make a difference in the lives of others.
Then, take that first step.
It’s where the greatest happiness is found.
4. Retirement Can Be The Best Time of Your Life
Most of us have some anxiety about retirement, especially in our last few years of work. While it’s true that retirement increases the odds of depression by 40%, it doesn’t have to be that way. The fact that you’re reading a retirement blog is a great sign that you won’t be among those who suffer. You’re thinking about retirement, you’re planning for it, and you’re trying to learn as much as you can. The highest correlation found between those who had a good retirement and the steps they took leading up to it was how much time someone put into planning for their retirement. Put in a lot of time and your odds of a great retirement increase.
The inverse is also true.
From my experience, the thing I did “most right” was taking the time to really think about retirement in the 2-3 years before I crossed The Starting Line. Not just the financial stuff, but the stuff that really matters. Just scan through the 7 years of writing I’ve done on this blog and you’ll see what I was thinking, every step of the way.
If someone asks me for retirement advice, I give the same answer every time:
“Take as much time as possible to think about what you want your life to become in retirement, then make a plan to get there. Focus as much or more energy on the non-financial side as you do on the money issues. In time, you’ll find they’re more important. There’s no bigger step you can take to increase your odds of a successful retirement.”
As you’re taking that time to think about it, reflect on these lessons from retirement I’ve learned over these past 4 years. I won’t guarantee that they’ll work for you, but I strongly suspect that if you attempt to apply them, your life will be better as a result.
Conclusion
I’ve learned a lot of lessons from retirement over these past four years. If you read through the Retirement Reality Series, you’ll see the learnings have evolved as my journey progressed. That’s natural, I suspect, and I enjoyed challenging myself today to highlight my four most important lessons from retirement. It was also more difficult than I thought it would be.
Your lessons will be different than mine, and that’s ok.
There are no right or wrong answers in this personal “life quiz.” The important thing is to take some time to reflect as you walk your journey. Be introspective, and consider the things you’re learning along the way. Apply the things that make your life better, and discard the ones that don’t. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
If you’re really courageous, try sharing the lessons you’re learning with other people who care.
I just did.
Now, it’s your turn.
Your Turn: What lessons have you learned in life? In retirement? How have they changed with time? Let’s chat in the comments…
Great stuff Fritz. Focusing on the positive is something I’ve been trying to get better at my whole life. My family comes from very humble means and has dealt with quite a lot of tragedy, so it’s not natural for me to focus on the positive. But I’m enjoying the process of getting better at it.
“…I’ve been trying to get better at my whole life…”
Keep practicing, Dave. Like most things, the more you practice, the better you get! Enjoy the process of turning the “unnatural” into “natural!”
Good advice to focus on positives and on others. But it should start on day one of adulthood and not wait on retirement. I know you were other focused your entire career, it’s the kind of person you are. I tried to be a servant leader in my career also. I see it more as a continuation of that focus as you reach retirement. And a positive outlook grounded in reality, you used that well before retirement too, to adapt to frequent relocations. But I’m splitting hairs. The key thing is those are life changing perspectives in retirement. One thing was different with me. I didn’t find any part of having a purposeful retirement to be difficult. It just fell into place like my previous fun career did. No real effort required. No doubting. No missteps. So far.
Love your comment Steve and shared your approach to being a servant leader at work. It cut through all the politics.
Fritz, great post! Only 63 days into retirement, I began it with already-in-progress purpose; spending time and helping out my aging parents. Now I can also drive my wife to work and spend some additional time with her.
With me not working, that still leaves me plenty of time to enjoy hobbies, keep on learning, rediscover my city, and find time for volunteering.
I had been “warned” by some colleagues who retired before me: time will fly by even faster. Only 9 weeks in, I can confirm that is true!
Rene, congrats on crossing The Starting Line! Interesting that you mention “helping out with my aging parents”…I’m working on a post on that very topic, watch for it in the coming weeks. Best of luck with your retirement, it sounds like it’s started out well for you.
Steve, you’re certainly one who is doing it right, I enjoy watching your journey through your blog.
Good points about the attributes being ones that we should start from day one, and that they’re life changing perspectives in retirement.
Take the time to focus on your health as a first priority. There are no longer any excuses not to be in excellent shape. Otherwise, your ability to have the capability to achieve your purpose will be greatly diminished. And of course you will look and feel great. Plus you don’t need as many new clothes when you have to downsize your wardrobe!
Gman, great point about focusing on health, it’s been a top priority of mine for years. It’s nice to have the additional time to make it an even more important aspect of my life in retirement. In fact, I’m heading off to Spin now, followed by a weight routine. For years I was a runner, now I enjoy doing the Spin and mixing in some weight work (and, when time permits, “real” mountain biking). I feel better than I ever have in my life.
A wise neighbor of mine once told me that “the biggest mistake people make about retirement is thinking that they can get healthy in retirement”. My wife and I have taken that to heart and kept active at the gym…. Not as much as we should, but enough to stay in shape. Yoga, aerobics and strength training need to be a life long discipline.
Retired 6 years in May here Fritz, and your thoughts are spot on. In my case I learned that not fulfilling a plan that was not to be is OK. Since that was not the real plan anyway and I just did not know it (yet). I retired 2 months after losing my spouse of 40 years to cancer, and my plans were very focused on me, but that was not reality as I had three kids and three grandkids. In that first year folks that loved me and supported me helped me find a way. Now on my 6 year milepost, I am remarried, have 9 grandkids and 3 new stepkids, and I focus on projects I would have never imagined the day I retired. Most importantly, I am happy to be there for others.
Great point about not fulfilling a plan being ok. Yours was a brutal start (sorry about your spouse, I can’t imagine going through that), but also an example of how we can rebound and live the best life possible in our remaining years. Thanks for sharing your story. Enjoy those grandkids (we’re heading off on Saturday to spend a week with ours in Alabama).
Another fine article Fritz!
Retired 6.5 years ago. Here are my 4, some are very similar.
1. Maintain a positive mental attitude throughout your life. Easier if you value each day {the Present} as a gift from our Creator.
2 and 3. PURPOSE. Defining this in my words….why am I on this Earth? We are all unique….my answer? It is to serve others…as the greatest Commandment is “love others as yourself”. Doing just this will fill in many “gaps” of time you spend in retirement. Time is your friend now in retirement…freedom to utilize your Time, Talents and Treasures towards a greater purpose than your personal life. You know?
4. Keep your hands open in a giving manner = getting back more than you give. Every time I volunteer, I feel like this occurs in my heart. A lovely feeling. The best I feel all week. I encourage everyone to seek their “niche” in how to fill their time. Never give up in this venture. Perseverance is a valued trait. Like swimming across a lake, you make it one stroke after another.
God speed to all of you, Steve
A great list, Steve. “Love others as yourself”, indeed. Reminds me of a big carving that hung above the fireplace in a church camp I attended as a child: God is First, Others are Second, You are Third. Life’s a lot better if you keep that in mind. Thanks for the testimony, and the analogy of swimming across a lake (I’ve been doing a lot of that already this year, enjoying getting back in the open water!).
I was just looking for an update on your retirement Fritz! Good timing.
I love how you suggest dedicating time in retirement to find purpose. Since time is money, it is good to dedicate money in retirement to find your purpose as well!
Keep up the yearly updates from now on!
I wrote it for you, FiP. Wink. Interesting, I was thinking about the timing of these “Retirement Series” posts on my walk with the dogs this morning. Without planning it, I essentially doubled the length of time between each post (2 years was the last, now 4). Thanks for the encouragement to not wait until Year 8 to add another update (though, in fairness, now that my retirement has stabilized, I’m not sure if there’d be enough new learnings to add an annual update – time will tell).
I knew you did!
Retirement has stabilized??? Really? I bet that is the title of your Year 5 Update “And I Had Though That My Retirement Had Stabilized”
May you live in interesting times Fritz!
Spot on Fritz. I’m in my fifth year of retirement at 54 and can concur that looking outward to help others is a keystone aspect of retirement. I would add also the importance of looking inward for personal growth and self-actualization. Spiritual guidance and ancient philosophy have become an important topic in my 3 hours of reading I do every day. What I’m learning in this practice has helped guide me more than I would have ever expected. It has further fueled my desire to help others. My passion project is helping homeless Veterans get temporary housing in our tiny homes village the goal of permanent housing. It’s been such an important part of who I have become since retiring.
The other point I would add is to take your time to live in your retirement. Spend time exploring what your plan will be. I have so many friends who say “I don’t know what I will do with all my time. I need a plan before I retire.” As you’ve stated, plans change and we must adjust. So, if you don’t have a concrete plan before retiring, that’s ok because even if you do, it’s likely to evolve. Thanks again for your posts. Really enjoy them.
Stan, great point about “looking inward for personal growth...”, definitely a key to a successful retirement. I love what you’re doing with homeless Veterans, sounds like a great Purpose. And, I agree 100% about embracing evolving plans, definitely something I’ve found in my retirement. Finally, thanks for your kind words about my writing, much appreciated.
Fritz, I always look forward to reading your insightful blog, especially, your anniversary date since I precede you but a few months in retirement. Therefore, I like comparing your experiences where you are with where I am. We are not too dissimilar in many aspects. I had to embrace the change particularly downsizing from our large suburban home to a condo in an up-and-coming mid-size city–Tampa. It was hard at first for me but not my wife, but I finally came to embrace all that the advantage of the move provides. I learned that it can be difficult for one spouse to retire before the other. My wife planned on working another five years, but we reworked our numbers and will try to narrow that to just two. The purposeful retirement you so eloquently wrote I find to be a huge aspect of a successful retirement as equal as the financial one. I thought I was on my way to nail that one, until I was derailed by aging parents. My near-term purpose is to see that they are taken care of before focusing completely on my retirement purpose
“Therefore, I like comparing your experiences where you are with where I am.”
Ironically, I was talking with my wife this morning about how the Retirement Series has been my most popular series since retirement. I told her that I think retired people enjoy comparing their journey to ours, and folks that haven’t yet retired enjoy reading about what it’s really like. Thanks for confirming my theory!
Good luck with “reworking” your wife’s retirement timing, I agree it’s more enjoyable when you can share this valuable time with the one you love. Finally, you’re the second that’s mentioned caring for aging parents. As I said above, watch for a post on that exact topic in the coming weeks…
Planning makes a difference. Looking back at the plan (centered around: p/t work; health; volunteer/philanthropy; community; education/learning; travel; spiritual; and family) I created when I retired 7 years ago, reviewed and adjusted annually, I find I have fallen short in just one area – education/learning. However, I plan to start taking a class soon. The years may pass by swiftly, but having a plan helps to bring structure, meaning and fulfillment to this great period of my life.
“Planning makes a difference.”
Indeed, it does. Based on my research, it’s the most important thing someone can do when planning for retirement. Congratulations on putting a plan in place, and executing it effectively. Enjoy that class…
I have 48 months to go. Thanks for the insight on what to expect in retirement. I will be 57 and most likely looking for a different career path or doing something completely different. Appreciate you Fritz.
I hope you have a countdown app on your phone! (I started mine when I was ~1,000 days out and really enjoyed watching it count down as The Starting Line got closer with every passing day). Good luck in your final 4 years, and welcome to The Red Zone!
I kept my countdown app to count up days since my retirement started, as a reminder to be grateful for every day.
Thanks Fritz. Forwarding this one to my better half so she can see that at least some of the success factors are around planning.
I hope she reads the comments. Hi “better half!” (I know the “lesser half” is driving you crazy with this planning stuff, but he really is on to something…)
I retired April 2, 2019 after a 35 yr career. Everything you discuss in this post is true or at least has been for me. I have told people who were/are contemplating retirement, especially a somewhat early retirement like you and me, to be intentional. Retire “to” something, not “away” from something. Periodically ask yourself, “what new things am I adding to my/our life?”. New things for me/us: serious travel – 2 -3 months each year even with the COVID hurdles, discovered I like to cook and do so a few times per week, bought a road bike and cycle 2 or 3 times per week, moved full time to our former vacation condo, made a bunch of new friends, joined the condo board (thankless but fulfilling), we hike 1 or 2 times per week, and go to the beach a few times week. This is a partial list……I stay busy! The future: Some buddies who also stink at golf want me to join them on Thursdays which I will starting this month and our daughter and I are going to get scuba certified in August. As I tell people, “if you’re bored or unfulfilled in retirement, look in the mirror, it’s that person’s fault”. Thanks for your Blog. It’s one of my “go to’s”.
“Periodically ask yourself, “what new things am I adding to my/our life?”
A great mantra, Marc. I’ll add a slight revision, “and what things should I be taking away“. I’m honored to be one of your “go to’s”, I could ask for nothing more.
Enjoy those Thursday golf outings!
Agree, that was a topic in your poker post and important concept. As my old boss used to say, “you can do anything but you can’t do everything”. Thus far the things I have stopped doing mostly have to do with home ownership vs condo ownership. No doubt there will be more.
Fritz,
I, like many others, can’t thank you enough for your inspiring work. My wife and I are in the home stretch and will retire with a nice pension, 401k and more cash than most. We’re building a small home on a big lot in our hometown and as soon as it’s complete, I’m OUT. I have been blessed with very high earnings and we’re super savers, so retiring at 55 is financially achievable. Your work helps me with reigning in the anxiety of planning and reinforces that retirement is far more than financial readiness.
Thanks for your kind words, BD. Congratulations on playing the game well, enjoy your final run to The Starting Line!
We are extremely lucky in that (so far, at least) we haven’t had to worry at all about money in retirement, as we live in a paid-off house in the country with solar energy for electricity (though still connected to the grid) and a well for water. We could of course do an almost infinite amount of remodeling, but why? I’ve tried adding more structured volunteer commitments to my life, but for me that feels too much like work. Instead, we just live more or less from day to day – something always seems to come up, whether it’s a chance encounter with a friend, or something that broke that needs to be fixed. We do always try to be kind and to respect nature and all living things……….
Sabine, I think you’ll enjoy my next post, the 4 paths of retirement. I’d say you’re on the “Relaxed Traditionalist” path, will be interested to see if you agree…
Thanks, Fritz. I am about 6 months away from the starting line of retirement. I just turned 65 and have been working since I was 12 years of age. Your blogs resonate with me on multiple topics. Your readers are fortunate to learn from your experiences. While I have felt some anxiety about transitioning from my corporate work role, your book, Rock Retirement group, podcasts and your blogs have been helpful! Looking forward to the journey and finding my true purpose and contribution.
Bruce, thanks for jumping over here from the RRC clubhouse! Glad to hear my work “resonates” with you as you complete your 6 months to The Starting Line. Wishing you the smoothest transition, I suspect yours will go well with all of the planning you’ve done. Thanks for stopping by!
When you are working, someone else is determined the boundary for you.
In most cases, it is either to small and restrictive or too big that cause stress and anxiety.
Financial Freedom (Retirement) is a life time of opportunity to draw your own boundary, and it will change with time!
Drawing our own boundaries, indeed. Nice analogy.
Thanks Fritz,
I have learnt a lot from you and continue to do so.
After one year and a half of retirement and after experiencing a first phase of despair, I believe I have found my purpose (writing my own blog on retirement from an emotional perspective, and , strange to say, in Italy there is still little focus on this topic).
My lessons are the following:
Try not to idealize the past
Look at retirement as a starting point
Be growth-oriented and never stop learning.
As to the last point, for example I am now taking lessons on how to promote my blog on social networks . A big challenge for a non digital native, but I will do my best to overcome technical difficulties!!!
Thanks again for your article
Michaela
Michaela, thanks for checking in from Italy! I suspect you’ll find an eager audience of Italians who have realized the importance of the “softer side” in retirement and wish you the best of luck with your blog. Your three points are spot on, and I love that you’re a living example of “never stop learning.” You’ll have that social networking stuff figured out in no time!
Hello sir! My first read. Am
71 will retire in 6 months from
Corporate America w high earnings. Single mom w 2 little grands. Nervous as heck! While I’ll be in a really good space financially I have grown to love not needing to worry about spending after my daughter graduated college 18 years ago. Gosh I wish I could shake that feeling. I have to find new things to challenge me and focus on the time I have w the little ones and having a good influence on their lives and well being. Will be reading your series for inspiration. TY for your insights.
Patricia, congratulations your rapidly approaching Starting Line. You’re not alone in being nervous about the transition, most folks I’ve talked to have the same apprehension. I trust you’ll find in time that your life on this side of that line will be the best time of your life! Enjoy those grands (we’re with ours now in Alabama for a week, I cherish these weeks).
Hi Fritz
It’s been a long time since we worked together. I’ve been retired for 16 years. The timing wasn’t exactly what I had planned but I was prepared both emotionally and financially. So I pulled the trigger. Everything you say was true for me and my wife. We have learned to be flexible and go with the flow of life. Like talking my wife’s Mom in to live with us at 92. She was with us for 7 years until she passed last year on June 7. Her passing once again changed our life opening new opportunities and closing a chapter. We have more freedom once again but also other new challenges I won’t get into here. We have learned to accept what life presents and be flexible as you have said in your post. We are spending a month traveling in Italy as I write this which was on our bucket list for many years. We have tried to find joy in every circumstance good or bad and it works much better than flowing against the tide so to speak. We are more spontaneous and adventurous and open embracing all that comes along the way. As the Italians say la dolce e vita. The good life
Dave Sacco
Dave, great to hear from you, old friend! I’ve been enjoying your FB pics from Italy, looks like a great trip. And, well earned after caring for your mother-in-law for 7 years (we also had my mother-in-law live with us for 4 years, I have a future post coming titled “The Realities of Caring for Aging Parents”, I suspect you’ll be able to relate.) Sorry to hear about the “new challenges”, but happy to hear you’re checking a long-time bucket list item off your list. Thanks for stopping by!