An old man is knocking at my door.
At some point, he’ll find a way to get in. Once he enters, I know he’ll be here to stay.
Until then, I’m doing everything in my power to keep him out.
Today, some thoughts on that old man, and 5 Practical Tips to address the reality of aging.
Getting older is inevitable, so what should we do about it? Today, 5 practical tips for aging. Share on X
The Old Man At The Door
At 63 years old, I’m proud to say that I’m in the best shape of my life. I’ve added a diverse mix of fitness activities into my retired life, and I can feel the results.
I feel great, but I know it won’t last.
I can sense that old man on the other side of that door. He makes himself known after a long drive, with that irritating sciatica thing in my back. It also takes longer to heal when I tweak something, and there are a few more minor aches and pains these days.
I’m a realist, and I know there will come a day, in the not-too-distant future, when he’ll breach the walls of my castle and take up permanent residence.
I’ve been thinking about the approach to that old man.
- Should we ignore him?
- Should we obsess over him?
- Should we do what we can do, and leave it at that?
From that thinking, I came up with the following 5 practical steps for your consideration.
5 Practical Steps To Address The Reality of Aging
I consider these 5 steps as my personal guidelines for how I’m going to treat the old man in the years ahead. As you read them, think of how to modify them for your life. Apply and modify what works for you. Most importantly, think about how you’re going to approach the realities of aging in your own life.
Like most things, the more you plan, the smoother the transition when change becomes reality.
1. Be A Realist
The first step is simply admitting the old man is real. Don’t ignore him, and don’t obsess over the realities of aging. If we’re fortunate, we’ll all get old, so we should embrace aging as a sign of success. We made it to old age! Pretending he’s not there won’t slow him down; it just means we won’t be ready when he finally gets through that door.
I’ve seen people handle this two different ways. If you keep an eye on your old High School classmates, you’ve probably noticed the same. Some deny it entirely, refusing to adjust anything about how they live, only to get blindsided when their bodies force the issue. Others obsess over everything, and their worry diminishes the joy of their “good years.”
Neither extreme works. Realism means looking objectively at what’s happening without denying or being consumed by it. Like retirement, aging is something we can plan for. The better we plan, the better those days will be when he ultimately gets through that door.
In fairness, there’s a third option, somewhere between the two extremes, that represents my suggested approach. It starts with being a realist, and continues with the following steps.
2. Control What Is Within Your Control
Once you’ve accepted the old man is coming, the next question is obvious: what can you actually do about the timing?
To me, the answer is easy. I love to push my body, and I know he finds the door harder to open every time I push. I’m a fan of the “Use it or lose it” approach to longevity, so I try to use “it” a lot. I made a significant investment in building the home gym shown above, and consider it money well spent. I view it as “A financial investment for a non-financial benefit,” and the benefit outweighs the cost. I do strength and cardio training 3-4x/week, and intend to focus on fitness for the rest of my life. As a bonus, my wife uses it, too!
I can hear the collective sigh now. Ugh, another fitness pitch. If that’s you, I’d encourage you to challenge why you feel that way. Perhaps there’s guilt knowing it’s something you should do, but you always make excuses. It’s time to be a realist and experiment with ways to get started. Begin with a small walk after you read this article. Do it again tomorrow morning. Read The Serenity Prayer below and challenge yourself to focus on what is within your control.
Next Up: Eating right. A second focus is eating healthier foods. For me, it’s pretty easy, given that my wife is a great cook and shares my goal of “eating right” (BTW, we’ve been experimenting with Mediterranean recipes lately, with great success). My go-to breakfast is a fruit smoothie with a bunch of healthy stuff blended in (yes, that includes Collagen and Protein). I still struggle with snacks at night, but I’ve replaced ice cream with frozen grapes, so I’m making progress.
Some other areas that are within your control:
Regular Check-ups: As we age, it’s important to maintain regular physicals and other recommended testing. Finding problems early is a key to longevity, and it won’t happen if you make a habit of avoiding the doctor’s office. One thing to consider, if you’re comfortable doing this: Copy your blood test results into ChatGPT and ask for an explanation of what they mean and what lifestyle changes you should consider. I’ve done it, it’s cool. (Cue the comments that you should never post anything personal into AI…I get it, hence the disclaimer “If you’re comfortable.’)
Educate Yourself: Start by doing some research on longevity. Reid Stone has done impressive work building a comprehensive resource called the Longevity Network, pulling together a wealth of information on the topic. It’s worth spending time there if you want to understand what actually moves the needle.
Mindset: Be deliberate about where you focus your attention. Based on this recent Yale Study, roughly half of folks over 65 “improved physically, mentally, or both over time, despite the common belief that aging means constant decline. Researchers found that people with more positive attitudes about getting older were significantly more likely to show these gains.
Focus on maintaining a positive mindset, and spend less time worrying about politics and social media. Both of those are outside your control, and stressing over them will likely reduce, rather than increase, your good years. Recognize what you can control, and what you can’t. Focus on the former.
Cognitive: Finally, don’t forget your mind in all this. Cognitive decline is as real as physical decline, and it responds to the same principle. Feed it well and give it a lot of exercise. For me, that means working my brain as I type out these words on my keyboard. Blogging is more than a hobby for me; it’s also an exercise I enjoy that challenges my mind. I’ve also increased the amount of time I spend reading in retirement, for the same reason.
Whatever the vehicle, keep challenging yourself to learn, argue, and create. A mind that’s still working is a mind that’s keeping that old man outside the door.
3. Enjoy Life As You Live It
One of the most impactful posts I’ve published is Your 12 Good Years, a guest post by Dan Haylett. I heard from a reader who actually decided it was time to retire after reading that post. If you missed it the first time, go read it now. TLDR; You’ve only got 12 years of healthy living post-retirement, so stop procrastinating and enjoy them now.
Intentionally decide to enjoy life as you live it. Take that trip you’ve been thinking about while you still can.
Decide you’ll stop worrying so much. I don’t know anyone who actually enjoys worrying, so check yourself whenever you find yourself making mountains out of molehills. That’s not enjoying life.
Spend your time focusing on what you want to accomplish while that old man is still outside, then do it. Twelve years sounds like plenty of time, but it will pass quicker than you expect. That’s not a reason to panic.
It’s a reason to act. While you’re at it…
Don’t obsess over doing everything right. Missing the occasional workout won’t undo years of consistency. Enjoying a nice glass of wine with dinner isn’t going to kill you. Taking Social Security a bit earlier than “optimal” isn’t going to ruin your financial life, and may be worth it if it lets you take that trip you’ve been dreaming of, while you still can.
Focus on relationships: As I was writing this article, my friend Jim at Route To Retire published 10 Pillars of Lifestyle Design: Evolving into a Life of Happiness. I’ve included the following quote from his article given its relevance to the discussion:
“The lack of social connection poses a significant risk for individual health and longevity. Loneliness and social isolation increase the risk for premature death by 26% and 29% respectively. More broadly, lacking social connection can increase the risk for premature death as much as smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day.”
— Office of the U.S. Surgeon General – Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation
26% and 29% – that’s not a small effect. Diet and exercise get all the attention in longevity conversations, but relationships may matter just as much. In effect, you’re making the door harder for that old man to open every time you have dinner with old friends, a phone call with the kids, or an afternoon playing with the grandchildren.
Get out and enjoy life.
Better yet, do it with friends.
4. Minimize Regrets
The only thing worse than getting old is getting old with a long list of regrets.
Once that old man gets in, those regrets are there to stay. You’ll always wish you’d taken that trip while you still could. You’ll regret not spending more time with those who are now gone. You’ll regret it when you realize your priorities were misplaced. You’ll regret not doing that thing because you were too worried about money.
The time to avoid regrets is now. This month, this year. Do the things now that you’ll look back on with satisfaction. It’s better than making excuses, only to look back with regret at the things you didn’t do.
Take time to think about what’s important for you. Think about what you’ll regret if you don’t do it.
A potential exercise to consider: Imagine yourself old. Really old. Like, “You can’t get out of bed” old. Let’s put you in a nursing home. Watching TV all day, taking continual naps and waiting for them to wheel you down to lunch. If you’re like me, you’ll find that thought depressing. That’s ok, embrace it. After lunch, when they heave you back up into that bed, what regrets will you have when you look back at your (insert current age) 63-year-old self? What do you wish you had told yourself, with the wisdom you’ve gained with age?
Make it a thought experiment, and try to get specific about your priorities.
Then, make a list.
That list represents the actions you should take now to reduce the risk of future regret. Focus on one thing you’re curious about, and take that first step. Maybe it’s that one relationship you decided to restore, or that trip you started planning as soon as you finished reading this article.
The old man doesn’t just take away your health when he moves in. He takes away your remaining chances to close the gaps you left open.
Minimize the gaps now, while you still can.
5. Keep Eternity in Mind
This last one is a personal faith statement, so it’s your choice whether to take it or leave it. As a Christian, my true hope comes from knowing that aging isn’t the end. It’s merely a phase, not unlike slogging through the mud during that final year of work before retirement. The really good years are on the other side of that mud.
My hope comes not from the steps outlined above, but from knowing that the final phase will far surpass anything even the best retirement provides. Sure, I’ll do what I can to delay the aging process. But I’m also embracing the reality of what comes next, and I’m excited about it. Our lifespan, even if we make it to 100, is a rounding error against the duration of eternity.
When viewed through a spiritual lens, your perspective of time changes.
As do your priorities.
Challenge yourself to think about where you’re “investing your treasure”. If you haven’t invested in your Spirituality, I strongly encourage you to weave it into your thinking about aging. The next time you’re taking a walk, resist the urge to think about your “to-do” list, and spend time pondering those important spiritual matters you’ve been ignoring.
It’s only through the eyes of eternity that the old man at the door loses his bite. Sure, he may live in my house for a few years, but I’m leaving him behind when I move on to greener pastures, and his memory will be but a mist.
Fact: After aging comes death.
It’s up to you to decide what you believe happens after that.
I know what I believe, and it puts that Old Man firmly in his place.
Conclusion
As I started thinking about how I’m going to deal with the Old Man At The Door, the main question it raised was “What’s actually worth doing with the years I can’t get back?”
That’s a question each one of us should ask ourselves. It is, in effect, the question I attempt to answer with my 5 Practical Steps. In summary, I think the right answer is to give him enough attention, and no more, to ensure we use the years before he arrives wisely:
- Be realistic.
- Control what is within your control.
- Enjoy life as you live it.
- Avoid regrets.
As I spent time thinking about it, I realized the fifth (Keep Eternity in Mind) is more important to me than the others. Sure, that old man is a concern, and it makes sense to do what we can to fortify that door. But…those limited years we have before he arrives aren’t the only years that matter.
Ultimately, the entire discussion is irrelevant when viewed from an eternal perspective through a spiritual lens. Regardless of how harshly that old man treats me, I know he’s just a short-term visitor.
He’s not following me where I’m going.
Your Turn: What steps are you taking to delay the old man? If he’s already entered your castle, what do you wish you had done differently before he arrived? Let’s chat…
Excellent advice! I’ve lived most of it. At 79 and in my 24th year of retirement I see that Old Man as a roommate but not me. Maybe a partner in crime. I don’t see him in the mirror; not out of denial but because my brain still thinks I’m in my 50s. I can’t emphasize your relationships point enough. Enjoy three card groups each week which also keeps my brain working. Have a weekly Friday afternoon social gathering of neighbors in the culdesac. Just started a new dating relationship focused on companionship rather than romance.
And thinking of eternity I just read The Secret of Secrets by Dan Brown and am halfway through The Measure by Nikki Erlick. Both are very thought provoking.
Tom, for an old man, you sure get up early. 😉 Sorry, couldn’t resist. For the record, I was talking to your roommate. Great comment.
Aloha Fritz!
Another thought provoking article. I fully agree with every word of it! I have always been a glass half full type of guy and love my earthly life. My favorite part of your wonderful article is below.
“It’s only through the eyes of eternity that the old man at the door loses his bite. Sure, he may live in my house for a few years, but I’m leaving him behind when I move on to greener pastures, and his memory will be but a mist.”
Our memory of our old age will dissipate very quickly upon death. There is no sadness, no pain and no bills once we move “up” in the “next” stage of our soul’s journey. That thought brings a smile to my innards Fritz!
Very many people take more time each year to plan a vacation than they do for their financial futures. Same can be said for many that do not “want” to think about what’s next after death.
Started investing in my muscles’ future well being; my wife and I joined a wonderful community center/gym. This is after 10 years of retirement – I had only hiked and walked up to this point. I feel it in my arms, grip and legs after just 5 weeks. Progress….baby steps. First step is so important.
Blessings to you and Jackie and your readers, Steve
Steve, thanks for being a long-time reader/commenter. We share the same favorite line, BTW. 😉
By the standards of some, I may be an old man (75), but I just got a NEW hip, so take that, old age! And once I work out the kinks, I plan to be back out walking a mile or two almost every day, gardening and maybe even taking up my granddaughter’s challenge of playing pickleball with her (we’ll see about that). I’m with you on reading. I’m wearing out a path to the library. I never knew James Patterson has written so many books! Thanks for the great article.
Better a hip than a shoulder, from what I’ve heard. It’s amazing to me how many of our friends have had hip/shoulder/knee replacements. It’s amazing what medicine can do. And, for the record, 75 isn’t old IMHO (Funny how our perception of “What Age Is Old?” gets older with each passing year, isn’t it?).
Absolutely better a hip than a shoulder. My father-in-law, 84, has had both done over the past year. The hip went great. They didn’t even keep him overnight after surgery, and he went out for Chinese food after they discharged him. The shoulder—a disaster he’s still dealing with. I’ll spare the details, but it went so badly that he’s probably not going to have the second one done.
Dana, I can’t ‘do’ anything about his experience, but I just wanted you to know I read what you wrote and I am sorry for both his experience and the change in your mutual journey that has resulted. I said a prayer for the both of you and hope you will find compensating pleasures and dear memories in what is to come.
Love the article!
If I did not know what year I was born in, I would think I was 33. The truth is that at 63 I am starting each morning a little stiffer then the day before. Raised as Christian and actively involved in the church for some 35 yrs, I came to the recognition that I was going through the motions and in reality agnostic. Now I live my life to the fullest, believing their are no do overs. I can only hope that for the people that sit idle all day, watching TV or doom scrolling that there really is life beyond death and you will have an after life to enjoy yourself. In fact, I envy those that do have faith. I would ask that you pray for me, as I will take any help I can get.
All to say, why not suck the life out of the one you are currently living. Make the best of each day, stay fit, eat well, enjoy family and friends, create memories and embrace this amazing gift of life!
Yes, Alain, life is indeed a gift! For myself, at 71, part of my journey is learning to accept, welcome, and give hospitality to the old man part of myself as I believe its our call to “still bear fruit in old age; they will stay fresh and green” (Psalm 92).
“I would ask that you pray for me…”
I just did exactly that, Alain. Hope it helps. Sorry to hear your beliefs have shifted, hoping that “envy for those that do have faith” shifts back again to a faith of your own.
Fritz, spot on. Thanks for the reminders. The 12 good years article was impactful with me as well. I sharpened my pencil and have the retirement date. Just paid off lake home, all four kids launched, and another wedding this month. I have followed you prior to you leaving work in ATL. Thank you for the constant inspiration. I just deleted those news apps too that suck out my joy. Recently turning 60 changed my perspective too… that wasn’t expected. Now focused to finish this dot well… with focus on eternity with our Lord. Len
You followed me since before I retired?! Wow, that seems like forever ago. Thanks for being a long-time reader, hope your crossing of The Starting Line goes as smoothly as mine did. Good idea to delete those news apps…amazing how our phones can steal our lives away if we let them.
I found your article spot on and somewhat depressing to think about. Like one of the other commenters, I don’t view myself as an “old man” but realize I can’t do all of the things my younger self could do…and I’m Ok with that.
My biggest complaint is being impatient and having less tolerance for bad behavior, be it by my grandkids, friends, bad drivers or other folks who should know better. Without having an “I don’t give a damn” attitude, I’m not sure how to control this tendency toward being a “crotchety old man”.
Keep up the great work on the Retirement manifesto!
Brian, take it easy on yourself, I think we all become a bit more “crotchety” as we age. (Tho I must admit, I know some older folks who are the happiest and most pleasant people in my life, so perhaps there’s hope for all of us).
I, too, struggle with impatience. I read once that we should intentionally seek out the longest lines at the grocery store as a way to temper our impatience. I’ve been too impatient to try that one…haha.
Excellent and helpful article. I am retiring in three months at age 65. Point 5 was an encouragement and inspiration. We share common beliefs. Living intentionally and with a spiritual focus are things I need to do better at. Fitness comes easy because I am a gym rat, and love to hike, bike, rollerblade and trip over my dogs! Thanks for the great article – one of many I have found encouraging and useful!
3 Months To The Starting Line!
Congrats, Rob, hope my words help with your transition. As for needing to “do better,” we share that in common. I don’t think any of us ever reach the point where we don’t have room for improvement. The goal, I believe, is to constantly strive. (Funny that you mention tripping over the dogs…we could share some stories).
Agent 007 Roger Moore said it well when asked about aging ; you can grow old begrudgingly or gracefully, I choose both.
Who knew 007 was a philosopher? 😉
Fritz:
Great article and also very challenging. Thanks for sharing your faith and scripture today. Reading over your blogs for the last two years has really helped me in my retirement journey. I share your information whenever God opens the door to another retired or near-retire person.
Steve
Thanks for the encouragement. I don’t often share my faith on the blog, but felt it was too important to miss on this one. Appreciate the kind words from you and many of the other readers today.
Fritz,
A long-time reader of yours, I wanted to ask you: how do you take care of your medical expenses? This is something I have not still cracked in its mystery to me. Do you take health coverage from the marketplace?
John, I’ve been buying from the marketplace since my COBRA expired in 2020. Fortunately, I found an EXCELLENT advisor (no charge) who uses their database to give you the best options in your area for pre-Medicare insurance. Gallagher is the name of the company, here’s the link: https://www.ajg.com/ I don’t have an affiliate relationship with them, simply recommending them because I use them myself and couldn’t be happier.
For those that need inspiration on working out there are many weight classes with unset records, by age, in the USPA (US Powerlifting Association) https://records.uspa.net/area.php?location=state&status=drug-tested. Check it out and become inspired to become a state record holder. By the way you can become stronger at 70, as have I.
Ok, Ed. I was trying to be an inspiration, but you just took it to a whole new level!
Great perspective. Yesterday was my first day of retirement at 61 after 40 yrs of a great career.
Funny, just got “my numbers” and ran through AI- good (potential insights). Also agree health (after faith) #1, can’t buy it back and you’ll never have a better opportunity than now. Agree fully, live no regrets – each of us had parents die young, leaving the other parent w/o a companion for decades- we’re enjoying the now.
My first realization was work did not define who I was, as a believer, I wanted to transition to more service time in this next career with non profit organizations I love. I wanted less stress at work, and am striving to let go to have less stress at home.
Giving, generosity of time, talent, treasure will be key. We’re giving it the kids and grand kids (mortgage, college etc) now when they can use it, and investing in eternity. We’re fortunate they’ve proven worthy of those investments so far.
Concurrently traveling with my lovely wife – we’ve never deferred but we’ve got 5 trips planned in the next year with friends, family and each other. Not expensive, but experiences over things, and taking them now vs a future that might not be there.
There’s a balance between being responsible and living. We’ve worked hard and been disciplined to get here, while enjoying life, now it’s time to be open to what’s ahead.
DAY 1 OF RETIREMENT!
Excited for you, Robert. Good for you for recognizing the opportunities your “new” life presents, I hope you find opportunities that bring you as much fulfillment as I’ve found through Freedom For Fido, this blog, and our church. Best of luck as you work through the transition, and enjoy those 5 trips with the ones you love.
I am now 73 years old and I have been reading Fritz’s columns since before I retired. Great advice overall, and always circling around the idea of mindfulness. Plan for reality. Do things that matter. Consider the consequences of current habits. Thanks, Fritz.
My exercise of choice is disc golf–a walk in nature with frequent bending, twisting, and bursts of effort. Great fun, and usually social.
Great suggestion on the disc golf, Martin. They’ve got a course in a park near our second home in Alabama, may have to give it a try on our next visit.
Another great article. I can attest that staying fit and active, along with a good social network is paramount. I know several 80+ year olds that hit the gym 3 to 4 days a week and spend at least an hour a day walking several days per week. These people inspire me and remind me that what I’m doing today in terms of what I eat and how much I dedicate to fitness activities will bear fruit later in life. None of us can escape the aging process, but we can impact how well we age. There is a big difference between living and existing. The people I know that have not aged well, spend way too much time being inactive, eat very unhealthy and have very little, if any social interaction. Thanks for reminded us that we have choices!
“These people inspire me…”
Jay, I also have several older people who are amazingly fit, positive, and enjoying life fully. I agree they are true inspirations for how I want to live my own life when I hit the 8th decade. Finally, I agree 100%: the impact of our choices becomes increasingly apparent as we age.
Thanks Fritz for another positive article. All five points are extremely valid and helpful. As a 73 year old widower my small side hustle bottling and selling olives at markets and to old clients keeps me active and aware of the old man at the door. I just wish he’d buy some olives!
Should all old men eat olives? Sounds like a great marketing plan! (And, a very cool side hustle).
Good blog post, rings a few bells as well, I’m 63 also, fit – running is my sport, as well as gym and swimming and yes, sciatica is a real issue when driving a distance. Just got a hybrid auto, so hope that will help. I am thinking a lot about this subject at the moment. Currently, I feel I can take on the world, and age is but a number, but I know “the old man will come knocking” Planning on retiring next March at 64, but I’ve been saying this since I was 60. Need to make it happen; don’t want regrets later in life.
“…Need to make it happen; don’t want regrets later in life…”
It’s time to draw the line. Four years of “One More Year” is enough, and you already know you’ll have regrets for waiting this long. Pick a date, set a countdown calendar on your phone, and cross The Starting Line sooner rather than later. Good luck on your journey.
Fritz, great article!
Thank you for recognizing that our time on this planet is just a blink of an eye and that our faith in Jesus Christ is the only hope for an eternal future with HIM.
You’re welcome. And thank YOU for saying thank you! 😉
Thanks Fritz. Congrats on the gym! We are about 2/3 done with ours as well. Great article. I love the thought experiment of imagining yourself in the nursing home, god forbid. Gives us a good kick in the a$$.
Glad the “nursing home” experiment resonated with you, Allen. I thought it fit well with the message I was trying to send. Sorry about the kick…
Over the past couple of years I’ve joined a group of seniors in my town to walk sections of the Camino in Spain. The first trip was inspiring as we had four folks over 80, two of which were 85. They were the first up, the first to start walking and the very last to complain about the incessant rain we encountered over the 90 mile walk. I run into my fellow walkers often and we talk about doing a third camino before the oldest in the group turns 88. I was 70 on our first walk, 71 on the second and the vision of old age the group provided inspired me to rethink what’s physically possible after 85 if I look after my health.
What An AMAZING Story!
Inspirational and vivid, with personal relationships, aging, fitness, longevity, and challenging yourself all wrapped into a one paragraph story. The most inspirational thing I’ve read in a while.
Thanks for sharing!
The title of the post bothers me, “The Old Man knocking at the Door.” While I understand the image and the intent, it reinforces the impression that ‘old’ means we are not able to be valuable contributing members of society. I support individuals in job search. Individuals 50+ experience ageism in their journey. It is challenging to navigate this thinking — both in the individual job seeker and in encounters with hiring managers, recruiters, society itself. “Old’ has somehow become synonymous with the ‘Experienced job seeker’ and lessens his/her value.
Also, your description of life in a nursing home is disturbing. Have you seen this life? Have you thought about the individuals who are living it? And where they might be living it? Not all of them have plushy senior nursing and living communities. I have seen it and been with people at this very difficult time of life, as they struggle to go on and live with value. It is not easy to watch. I can see your life has been fulfilling and enriched because of your resources. Not everyone has this capability. But they still deserve respect.
I know this is not the intent of this post. The post has an important message for retirees to remember. I agree with it totally. I myself went for a calming walk in my neighborhood one evening. A neighbor did not see me and hit me with his car. I suffered seven fractures including a broken spinal cord and spent a month in the hospital and rehab recovering. Not to mention the time at home to recover my mobility. Four years later, I’m not yet where I was before the accident. Our many plans have been shelved — I’m still hoping not permanently.
My message from all this reinforces “enjoy it while you can.” Take a deep breath and do the things you want to do. Take that trip to Hawaii or Rome or wherever. Become involved with people, groups and activities. You never know what is going to happen.
Secondly, please keep in mind the role ageism is playing in our culture. How it is undermining the value of the older person. We need to strengthen and communicate the value of the older person. There is dignity in being old. Respect that.
Very powerful, Fritz! Lines to live by.
Ironically, my closest friend and I made up for a fly fishing trip a couple weeks ago and we were talking about “Don’t Let the Old Man In” Toby Keith wrote the song in 2018 after playing golf with then-87-year-old actor Eastwood. When Keith asked Eastwood how he kept working and staying active at his age, Eastwood replied, “I just get up every morning and go out. And I don’t let the old man in.” Apparently, Keith loved the phrase so much that he wrote the song for Eastwood’s movie The Mule.
Thanks!
Great story (where was the fly fishing, BTW? I live near the Toccoa River, one of the top trout streams in the SE USA.)
And, WOW about the Toby Keith song of the same name. I don’t really listen to much country (I’m a “Classic Rock” guy), but maybe I heard it years ago and it planted the seed? I didn’t even remember it was a song until I got your comment. Thank you for letting me know, and giving credit where credit was due. My apologies to TK. 😉
Perfect! I am also not a big country fan … more of a Clint Eastwood fan. I enjoyed that movie and the Toby Keith song was a good fit at the end.
As for fly fishing … my friend lives in SLC is primarily fishing in Utah, Wyoming and Idaho having access to some of the finest tailwaters and freestone streams in the Western US home to brown, rainbow, brook, and cutthroat trout. This time we met and fly fished in Alberta, Canada where I am from near Ram Falls in Rocky Mountain Country. We had a blast! You may consider hauling your 5th-wheel up here, someday. I’m sure you and your wife would love it. Take care, Fritz and thanks for all you do for the retirement planning and execution community.
Your article and suggestions are excellent. And aging is inevitable. I know that. Your article touched a few nerves. It’s unfortunate that our society does not respect and value older people.
Karen, I’m thankful that I read your second comment before replying to your first. Sorry I touched a few nerves, we’re all welcome to have our own opinions on things and still be friends. 😉
#EnjoyLife
Hi Fritz, loving your articles! I retired last year at age 50- delighted as I’m a single (divorced due to physical/ emotional abuse) momof two teenagers. I consider myself a ‘spender’, but its because I choose to spend on experiences with my kids abdcextended family, especially my 77yr old mom. My dad almost died at age 63 from a heart attack- God intervened and sent angels to save him- and he got a good 15 more years of life before passing on his 75th birthday. His younger brother died of a heart attack while my dad was recuperating. Since there is heart disease both sides of my family, I took the opportunity after I was made redundant to retire early and really enjoy my kids while they’re still living with me. We go on multiple amazing travel trips each year, I enjoy music festivals with friends and my kids, and love taking my mom away too while she can still travel easily- she even joined us at a huge music festival this year! I use my retirement time to focus on my health too- I had done the Ironman years ago but not much since. I joined a small but lovely gym near my house and do weight lifting, cycling and swimming. I also joined three different Pickleball groups and play three times a week for social fun, and have entered tournaments to keep pushing myself. I got back to art too, joining a new weekly art group, and am starting back on my guitar. I do a couple if hours a week easy work fir the European Commission, looking after various international universities and PhD students- its very enjoyable and easy compared to the work I used to do, and I have full autonomy with my time. I just love having the ‘white space’ to be there for my teenage kids whenever the ‘oyster opens’ moments occur (they open up and reveal whats really going on in their lives), and spending time with my mom while I can. I strongly encourage people to retire earlier if you can and enjoy more than the 12 good years, or find a way to make space for the people you love earlier.
Mel, the first thing I must say is I am sincerely sorry for your “divorced due to physical/ emotional abuse mom of two teenagers” situation. In recent years, I’ve become very empathetic for people who have gone through exactly what you’ve endured. I’ve come to dislike narcissists, and am amazed at how many of them are out there, and how many victims have to endure through their torture. The public awareness is growing, and I applaud the efforts to address this inexplicable behavior.
So, first thing is this: Stand Strong. You did the right thing to get away. You’ll work through the rest.
Second, you’re spending on your family at the right time. Life is about those relationships and the memories you create before they’re gone. Would you rather skip the opportunity, only to regret 20 years from now what you could (and should) have done? You’re doing exactly what you should be doing. Especially with what you’ve endured, “invest” (spend) as much as you can afford for this special time with family. Trust me, the “dividends from your $ investments” (memories) you’re making now with your kids and mom will be special to you for the rest of your life. And…Music Festival? High Five, Mom!
Third, the support for doing what you’re doing is that family medical history. You realize your years (and years of family) may be short, so you want to enjoy them while you can. Makes perfect sense to me.
Fourth: Your focus on fitness, especially with your kids still living with you, is commendable. It shows a strong priority on fitness, and making it fit your schedule. That’s the key, and you’re living it. Same goes for the “curiousity ventures” (art, guitar, EC work). Multiple “experiments” going on at once, you’re doing it exactly right.
Enjoy those ‘oyster opens’ moments. You’ll savor them forever.
“Make space for the people you love earlier.” Best coment today.
Thanks Fritz. My parents had a wonderful marriage and were very Christian people, so leaving the marriage was not an easy decision, and in the end it’s because Child Protection services intervened due to a life or death situation. I ran a side businesses for many years as a Family Mediator and Divorce Coach trying to support families and children and training in other Mediators, on top of my full time Tech job and raising my kids. I had a lot of success with it in my country, Ireland, and globally too. It’s a great legacy to have and I’m proud of the work I did to ‘give back’. But now I want to focus on my family and myself. Thanks for the work you do supporting people through the ‘letting go’ stage as they step into retirement and beyond.
I wish some old man would knock on my door!! As long as he wants to go outside to play and be active, and have picnics whenever possible. I come with a pension and health insurance! Love all your posts Fritz! Thank you for what you do.
Haha…you actually made me laugh out loud with this one! Love your “personal ad”!
😉
Somewhere after I turned 60, the “old woman” showed up at my door, and the mirror I might add. 😊I appreciate your reasonable approach to addressing health as we age. Balance is my mantra. I want to stay as healthy as possible, while still enjoying the occasional pasta dinner out. (I try to follow the 80/20 rule when it comes to my health.) The gym turned out great! Bonus that both you and your wife are using it.
Marian! (My favorite writer of the month).
Those darn mirrors, they don’t help us age well. And, Balance is a great mantra, and your writing demonstrates that perfectly. And finally,
#PastaForThe Win
(my wife and I LOVE pasta). Thanks for stopping by – especially given that you’re trying to “be more analog” – wink. Can’t wait for your guest post to come out later in Sept. 😉
Great article. One of my challenges is my mind says I can ride a bike or play Pickleball like a 30-40 year old, but for some reason, my body has other ideas. I need to be able to discern when it’s time to throttle back and only go at 75%, not 100%. IRT fitness. I highly recommend people take a look at Function Health. It’s a great way to get a look at over 100 biomarkers and they give advice for foods to eat/not eat and supplements to take. And, no I am not a paid advertiser. Another, good read is Peter Attia’s Outlive. He has great advice on how to have a long Healthspan.
OMG – You Nailed It! I have that same “30-year-old mind in a 60-year-old-body” problem. Have to restrain myself on that MTB from time to time.
Thanks for bringing up Function Health. I’ve been intrigued by the “Biomarker” testing, but haven’t pursued it yet. The prices are coming down for the test, I’ve been thinking about it. Like you, I was motivated when I read about it in Outlive (great book, unfortunate about the author). His Healthspan advice is the best I’ve ever read.
I’m 70 and I’ve had to let some things go. I used to run one or two marathons a year, but my knees can’t handle that anymore, so my morning runs are now morning walks. I still play tennis singles three or four times a week and pickleball a time or two. I ride my bike for an hour if I’m not walking or playing tennis that day. My 71 year old wife shames me with her daily workouts. This morning she ran five miles, then walked five miles with a different friend. After that she hit tennis balls with a friend for two hours and after lunch she has two more hours of tennis with a second friend followed by a couple of hours of pickleball. She’s a beast. We both hike when its cool enough, usually in the fall and winter. I weigh a little less than I did in high school and so does she. While we are fitter than most our age, we aren’t who we were at your age, Fritz. Decline is real. She keeps mentally sharp doing puzzles and crosswords and I get challenging problems to resolve chairing a college board and serving on a hospital and a foundation board and mentoring engineering students at my alma mater.
Steve, I’m with you on turning those runs into walks. I, too, was a marathon runner, but the only running I do now is a slow paced “trail jog” when hiking with my dog. We “speed hike” the uphills, and slow jog the flats and downhills. Learning to modify as you age is part of the game, as long as we keep a positive attitude about the realities that we can’t do what we once did.
PS – Your wife is a BEAST! (And, I’d say you’re up there too, playing tennis singles 3-4 times/week is no joke).
Great article and wise counsel, as always, Fritz. I love your home gym and now I’ll have to seriously consider one for our place. The “Old Man” isn’t quite at the door for me yet, but I turn 63 later this year as well, and am planning to retire in May next year and kick if off with a big European cruise/vacation. This article just reinforces my decision to call it a career is the right one. We never know how long we have on this earth so your nursing home illustration hits hard (in the right way). Thanks also for sharing your faith. My wife and I are born and raised Catholics who look forward to eternal life and try to live our lives accordingly. Not perfect but we’re hopeful that God grades on a curve. All the best to you and your readers.
Thanks for your kind words, much appreciated. Congratulations on your rapidly approaching “Starting Line!”
Great advice, Fritz.
Another comment — get a good doctor who listens and works with you to keep the Old Man and the Mature Lady away. It is very important
Mary, great to hear from you. I can’t tell you how happy it makes me to have one of my favorite “work people” from 20 years ago still interacting with me through this blog. Loved the “Mature Lady” line, BTW, and your tip is spot on (it’s concerning how fewer and fewer docs seem to really “listen” these days). Thanks for stopping by.
My wife, Judy, and I are fully enjoying our retirement. We stay active at the gym and walking regularly. She sows, gardens, and plans our beach trips, which we take very often. I have joined a rock band and love still playing bass guitar. We have a show tomorrow night. That keeps me young by memorizing music, hauling equipment, and playing loud rock n roll. At 71, I’m the oldest in the band by a fair amount, but it doesn’t bother me a bit.
I realize my time is passing quickly, but we are determined to enjoy this time in our life. We worked hard to get here!
Marshall & Judy
Rock on, Marshall!
Hey Fritz, this was a really good article, like all the others you have written that I have enjoyed so much over the years. I read this early this morning but I didn’t have time to respond before my wife and I went out for our daily hike. The Old Man went with me too, he hikes right next to me and we talk for hours every day as we hike. He’s really not such a bad companion, and he’s softened considerably over the years. I like him a lot more now than I did 15 years ago. But, I knew I would have to read about ‘the 12 good years’ before I could respond to your article, and I’ll admit that I was in a little bit of a panick since I’m already 15 years into my retirement, as I hit 70 this year.
Now that I have read about the 12 good years I’m surper relieved that I retired early and didn’t miss those years, and apparently I’m going to get around 5 more years! I don’t know about you, but I think this a smokin’ deal! If I get 5 more years out of this life that will be beyond my wildest dreams, way better than a guy who never figured he would see 60 ever expected.
Fritz, your home gym is awesome! And don’t worry, you still have a life time before that old man is staring at you from your bathroom mirror some morning, it’s all about prespective my friend.
You’re still batting 100% on my articles!? Great to see you here, even if you’re a day late. 😉 Funny about your “12 years” really being “15 years.” I had the same thought when I first read that article. Early retirement for the win! A smokin’ deal, indeed. Thanks for maintaining the streak, noted and appreciated.
Agree 100% and would add to #2, when you get your annual or semi-annual checkup get the full blood panel workup not just the standard blood work. When I did one (CMP14+LP+Fe+CBC/D/Plt+T4+TS…) it opens a different door to what your body lacks or needs which in turn added energy & focus in my case.
I used to also have a home gym setup also but decided to trade it in for going to the gym and use that time to also socialize with all the other old folks there. Lots of good information sharing happening there. Plus, I love the sauna at the end of my workout.
Vincent, you’re the second that’s mentioned the full blood panel. I’ve not done that yet, but think it’s about time to get serious about it. Costs have come down dramatically, and the book Outlive really highlighted the value of that workup. Thanks for the push…
Hi Fritz
Great article. I agree with everything!
1) First make sure you have enough money for YOUR healthy retirement lifestyle! It might not include a gym membership, but here in UK, lots of outdoor gym equipment available to all, and walking, running, using your own personal weight for exercise costs nothing!
2) eat sensibly. Read recently about a 5 year assessment of several diets. Those who just made small sustainable adjustments made better long term improvements. Nothing dramatic, less sugar being the primary benefit. Real food, whether eaten out or at home. Fewer coatings, just the meat/veg..
3) keep fit, keep moving. Practice (safely, with appropriate support!) getting up from the floor! Flexibility is key
4) totally agree – make peace with yourself. Don’t carry that angst. It eats away at you!
Retirement really is the gift that keeps on giving !
Make the most of it!
Here’s to our 100!!
“…lacking social connection can increase the risk for premature death as much as smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day.”
The Western US has been on fire all summer – somedays riding my MTB is like smoking a half pack of cigarettes. So much for exercise…
I took possession of the deed for my time two years ago. Not afraid of the word “retirement” but leaving room to do some of the work I did during the accumulation days.
To some degree, I know “my grandfather” has already broke into my house and getting away with some things. Lives in my mirror more than I’d like, but he’s growing on me.
That said, I have picked up the athletic side of my life to fulfill part of my fitness, social connection, and feed the competitor that idled too much during the accumulation days.
My wife and I are beginning to travel beyond the family connection trips that we’ve always done. We’re not globe trotters but a few trips are must do while we are vital.
I’ve done Ikigai, journaling, etc. to clarify the purpose, the want to dos, and importantly the “do not do” list for this chapter. I’ve successfully avoided turning any of these into a “job” since finding one is on my DND list.
A heart attack 2 months ago pushed me into upping my diet game and I have spent a lot of time exploring “Blue Zone” diets and habits to do everything I can to buy more days.
I’ve tried to eliminate “noise”, haste, and any investments in negativity. Go slow when you can, quick when you must is a mantra. Negative returns from negativity investments have no place in my “portfolio”.
Exploring the best ways to pass on whatever wisdom I have with people who would care. No real interest in building my own legacy.
I truly enjoy your writings, they are one of my sources for learning in this chapter.
Thanks for investing some of your time in building some maps for us to navigate with.
Thanks for another great article. I’m 63 and have been retired for 5 years and I agree with everything you wrote……except the ice cream! I work out most days strength training, pickleball, golf, bike riding or golfing. I’m fairly healthy with my diet, but most evenings I enjoy a little dessert after dinner and many times it’s ice cream. I like frozen grapes, but I’m sorry they are no substitute for a cone of frozen dairy goodness!
Hi Fritz. This is one of my favorite articles you have written and I’m so glad you added the faith component. It resonates with me. I try to maintain the proper perspective about retirement and life (this one and the one to come) in general. I live by faith first and then make provisions while on this earth. I need to apply myself to physical strengthening so as not to have to meet “old Lisa” too suddenly but she is on my heels.
Excellent article!
Fritz,
Great article! I love listening to Dan’s podcast and was really impressed with you more than I was from reading your blog. Your interview was really good and this content is more than just good advice, it’s life saving!
I apologize for this lengthy comment, but I hope you will allow it.
Thank you for this extremely well written post that offers thoughtful and practical advice about the realities and effects of aging.
Reading this post was a very emotional experience for me because it perfectly described the way my dear sweet wife, Nadine, lived her life for the seventy years that she was on this earth. It was a tremendous blessing for me to be married to her for forty of those years.
Nadine’s life exemplified the first four points you made as well as anyone’s possibly could: 1) Be realistic; 2) Control what is within your control; 3) Enjoy life as you live it; and 4) Avoid regrets.
For all of the forty-four years that I knew her, Nadine exercised regularly, ate a healthy diet, didn’t smoke or drink, maintained an active lifestyle with a HUGE circle of friends, managed stress well, and devoted her life to helping and serving others while also working 46+ years in a hospital (much of that time in a senior leadership capacity), being a wonderful wife to me and a marvelous mother to our son.
The biggest retirement planning challenge I dealt with for years was how to be sure that Nadine could remain financially secure and maintain her desired lifestyle if she lived to be 95 or 100 years old in one of the two scenarios our mothers experienced. My Mom died just short of her 95th birthday after spending the last 6 and 1/2 years of her life in a LTC facility. Nadine’s Mom is 97 going on 98 and still lives independently by herself in her long-time home.
I’ve heard former Emergency Room Physician Carolyn McClanahan, now a well-known Financial Advisor, talk about how “life can change on a dime” as it relates to our health.
That happened to my sweetheart shortly before Thanksgiving in 2020, when Nadine was diagnosed with Stage 4 Endometrial Cancer despite years of annual checkups with her OB-GYN doctor.
The Surgical Oncologist who operated on Nadine two weeks later told her, “You had a greater chance of being struck by lightening than you did of receiving this diagnosis.”
Thankfully, as a teenager, before Nadine made the first of what would be many, many recurring contributions into her workplace retirement accounts, she made a personal faith decision that heavenly treasures mattered much more than earthly ones. Nadine’s daily life always reflected that commitment to a higher power. and the more important priority to heed the words you quoted from Matthew 6:19-21.
Because Nadine followed the 5th practical step you listed to “Keep Eternity in Mind,” as she spent the next 3 and 1/2 years doing everything she could to beat the disease, she was able to confidently tell her family and friends that: “Regardless of how it goes, I win either way.”
Nadine truly believed that with all of her heart. That assurance brought both comfort and joy to an unwelcome diagnosis and a challenging battle with cancer. IMO, there’s absolutely no doubt that “Keeping Eternity in Mind” was the pillar of Nadine’s life which guaranteed that her retirement plan would be successful no matter what happened in or with her life.
Thank you for including that 5th step in “How to Protect Yourself Against the Old Man (or Woman) at the Door.”
Thank you also for letting me share how much it meant to my sweetheart when her best laid plans for a well-ordered, active, and healthy retirement were turned upside down.
John 14:1-3
14:1 “Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me.
14:2 In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you.
14:3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.”
Ritch,
What a powerful story of the woman you love. Carolyn’s warnings on how quickly life can change are a reality, as your wife’s experience so clearly shows. I can imagine no greater testimony that a husband could give for his wife than the one you shared above. She sounds like she was an amazing woman, and her Faith shows why I felt compelled to include #5 in my list. While these days are difficult for you, I’m sure you find comfort in knowing you’ll see her again soon. BTW, I just finished reading “18 Days in Heaven” by Gabe Poirot. If you’ve not read it, I strongly recommend it. I think you’ll find it comforting (and exciting).
Thank you for transparently sharing you and your wife’s story. I could think of no more powerful way to conclude this article than to hear from someone who has lived through it and confirms the importance of the subject from their firsthand experience. No one knows when that Old Man will get through the door, but it’s our responsibility to be prepared for the day he does.
Thank you for those kind words, Fritz. Nadine was the most amazing woman I’ve ever known, and I say that as someone who was blessed to have been raised by an amazing and very loving mother who had an extremely strong faith.
The promise and assurance that I WILL see Nadine again soon IS very comforting.
It provides tremendous peace of mind and, along with the many precious memories that I carry within my heart of Nadine and our life together, it tempers the sadness of missing her with the joy of knowing that we’ll be reunited for all of eternity.
Thank you also for the book recommendation. I’ve ordered it and look forward to reading it.